The first post! :)

So, I've started reading "Love as a Way of Life" by Gary Chapman. (Same author who wrote the Five Love Languages) As I read through the book I can assure you that there will be more to share.

This stood out to me most from the beginning of the book,
     "Love is not an emotion that comes over us or an elusive goal dependent on the actions of others. Authentic love is something within our capabilities, originating in our attitudes and culminating in our actions. If we think of love as a feeling, we shall be frustrated when we can't always work up that feeling. When we realize love is primarily an action, we are ready to use the tools we have to love better."

My thoughts?

Well, looking at the first sentence by itself I realize that often times when I find myself disappointed with communication between Derek and I, it is because I derive my emotions from his words and actions and my love is not coming from the right place. I'm focused on what I can get from the relationship and consumed by my own thoughts and expectations rather than how I can love him better. Regardless of who is to blame, when he does not respond "the way that I hope" or "the way that would help us" .. it is easy to dismiss my own flaws and replace them with anger towards his lack of maturity, for lack of a better word. The question often arises, "why can't you be the bigger person?"

Does it mean anything to tell Derek that I am sorry again and again? I feel that it means little, and this conviction should lead me towards changing my attitude towards love rather than using more words to express a temporary emotion that I cannot promise will last. I'll be completely honest: hearing so many couples tell me us that the first year is the hardest and living through all of these ups and downs, I cannot WAIT for this next year come June 13th. Perhaps this book has come at just the right time :P

I'm good at being wordy - I'll bring this to a close .. AFTER I say that LA Ink is sadly addicting. Can't turn it off!

- Kristen

Oh, and let's make it tradition that I end with a prayer. Whether I am posting a S.O.A.P. or just some reflections, I think it will really make my thoughts more meaningful.

Heavenly Father,
You are the embodiment of love and I pray that I can love like You love as I continue my faithful journey towards holiness and a life IN YOU. Lord, I thank you for those people in my life who have shown me true love regardless of our relationship - superficial or intimate. I am excited to witness the ways that life can transform once love becomes an attitude and in turn, expressed by actions. I am excited to move beyond my selfish, fluctuating emotions into an attitude of love that can become a part of my daily life as I seek to acknowledge God in everything. Father, I pray that I can do these things that I dream of and so easily write here and now. I pray that I don't have to take this step alone and that in my relationships and in my devotional time, I can continue to be inspired and motivated towards following through with these desires. I love you, and in Your name I pray. Amen